THINGS I BEMOANED ABOUT TO MY MOM ON THE PHONE TONIGHT

She is a saint.
  1. "Take me off speakerphone I don't want to talk to Auntie Jane!"
  2. "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?"
  3. "DO YOU EVER FIND A JOB YOU ACTUALLY LIKE?
  4. "You mean people actually have jobs they don't hate?"
  5. "CAN YOU JUST TELL IF IM NOT TALENTED?"
  6. "I DONT THINK IM FUNNY ANYMORE."
  7. "How about I move back to Portland? I could like, work at a winery or something?"
  8. "Maybe I should've just converted to Mormonism when I had the chance."
  9. "BE HONEST DO I ACT LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER? JUST FLAILING AROUND? CAUSE I FEEL LIKE THAT."
  10. "I wish you still hated Olive. I'd move her back to Chicago. I KNOW I DONT HAVE TIME FOR A DOG."
  11. "Of course I'm going to call you tomorrow! When have I ever not called you tomorrow?"