BASIC BITCH TRAITS: HIPPIE EDITION

  1. Dread locks
    It's 2015, Jerry Garcia is dead. Cut your damn hair and take a bath.
  2. Nose ring
    You are not a cow.
  3. Sacred geometry anything
    There is nothing sacred about a bunch of shapes that everybody gets screen printed on tee shirts.
  4. Nag champa
    Incense smells like a cheap hookah lounge in Mumbai.
  5. Conspiracy theories
    Nobody in the government is trying to microchip you or steal your weed. RELAX.
  6. Kombucha
    Need I say more?
  7. Yoga mat
    Take this thing out of your car. You don't need it when you go to the grocery store. You don't need it at the gas station. And you definitely don't need it when you come to my house.
  8. Crystals
    You are not a witch. This is not Harry Potter. If you want good vibes, just be a nice person.
  9. Curly wooden earrings
    I don't know what these earrings are called but they are just not ok.
  10. Hoods
    Are you little red riding hood? No? Then cut that damn hood off of your sleeveless sweatshirt.