Advice my dad gave me today: Serbian accent edition.

Dad and I went for a drive and here's some of the advice he gave me.
  1. You need to find man. I sure you not lesbian, but you need to find man. Try 200 times and maybe 201 would be good man.
  2. Fuck this shit. Your mom is like her mom and they all fucking crazy. Her side is crazy. We smart and pretty on my side. You listen to me.
  3. If you have no money, I believe you. You're like gentleman only you lady. You are nice to people and give stuff. Don't give to your sister. She lie.
  4. Me: "Dad, I like how you always inspire and make me feel like I am better than the jerks in my life"
    Dad: You iz better! Fuck this shit. I no have time for stupid people. You no have time for stupid people. Tell them all to fuck off. If they piss you off, hit bitch! That's what I did in my country.
  5. I know you like gypsy, but you getting old. Time to figure out life. Time is ticking.