TOP DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDY

If you are too young to know what these are, I feel bad for you. It must suck to be young.
  1. "Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words, mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
  2. "To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks.""
  3. "If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away."
  4. "If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Hambone."
  5. "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
  6. "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
  7. "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
  8. "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."
  9. "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.""