CRIMES I WOULD COMMIT

If I didn't have to go to jail and no one got hurt and everything was okay
  1. Bank robbery
    I would do a classic stick up. The ole "put the money in the bag and no one gets hurt" routine. I would assemble a team of two other criminals and we would wear bandanas over the lower half of our faces. We would ride away on horses while money bags clutched in our hands.
  2. Grand theft auto
    If I knew that I would 120% not get caught and that person I was stealing from didn't desperately need their car I would steal a car so fast. But only a really nice car like an Audi or a Ranger Rover.
  3. Kidnapping
    Okay this one is a little iffy because ripping a child from their family is not my game. If I found a child who was being abused or neglected or whatever and I knew they weren't being loved and that I could provide them with a better home I would snatch them and not look back. (Disclaimer: I am not, nor will I ever be, a kidnapper)
  4. Blackmail
    Is blackmail illegal? Either way I would love to blackmail someone with some high stakes shit.
  5. A heist
    I want to assemble a team and buy some utility belts and go to town. Preferably this would all go down during a big fancy party and I would get to crawl through air ducts, knockout some baddies, and convince a Russian diplomat to tell me all the secrets while dramatically dancing all in the same night.
  6. Diamond theft
    At an international level. I would steal a priceless diamond in Paris, meet a buyer in Greece, double cross that buyer and flee to Belgium only to meet with a new buyer in Spain who is suddenly killed by a rival criminal so I must find a new buyer in Switzerland. That buyer double crosses me so I flee to Russia where I lay low for a while before meeting a buyer in Italy who falls in love with me but I betray. In the end I get to travel and he gets a diamond, everybody wins.