CRIMES I WOULD COMMIT
If I didn't have to go to jail and no one got hurt and everything was okay
- •Bank robberyI would do a classic stick up. The ole "put the money in the bag and no one gets hurt" routine. I would assemble a team of two other criminals and we would wear bandanas over the lower half of our faces. We would ride away on horses while money bags clutched in our hands.
- •Grand theft autoIf I knew that I would 120% not get caught and that person I was stealing from didn't desperately need their car I would steal a car so fast. But only a really nice car like an Audi or a Ranger Rover.
- •KidnappingOkay this one is a little iffy because ripping a child from their family is not my game. If I found a child who was being abused or neglected or whatever and I knew they weren't being loved and that I could provide them with a better home I would snatch them and not look back. (Disclaimer: I am not, nor will I ever be, a kidnapper)
- •BlackmailIs blackmail illegal? Either way I would love to blackmail someone with some high stakes shit.
- •A heistI want to assemble a team and buy some utility belts and go to town. Preferably this would all go down during a big fancy party and I would get to crawl through air ducts, knockout some baddies, and convince a Russian diplomat to tell me all the secrets while dramatically dancing all in the same night.
- •Diamond theftAt an international level. I would steal a priceless diamond in Paris, meet a buyer in Greece, double cross that buyer and flee to Belgium only to meet with a new buyer in Spain who is suddenly killed by a rival criminal so I must find a new buyer in Switzerland. That buyer double crosses me so I flee to Russia where I lay low for a while before meeting a buyer in Italy who falls in love with me but I betray. In the end I get to travel and he gets a diamond, everybody wins.