MY TIME AS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR

Unless this is all just a lie. What is the truth anyway?
  1. Lying has always come naturally to me.
  2. I can't pinpoint exactly when I started lying but I think it was when I was around 5 or 6. My dad once told my mom, "that's the thing about MacKenzie, she can look you dead in the eye and lie right to your face."
  3. I don't know why I lied so much. I think part of it was that it was easy and I like the storytelling of it all.
  4. There was also a part of me that liked knowing I was tricking someone. When I would tell a story that was completely false I felt a sense of pride in knowing that someone believed it.
    But why wouldn't they believe me? What's the point in completely making up a story? I've asked myself this a lot as I've gotten older. Where's the fun in tricking someone who doesn't care about the story anyway?
  5. I was also very good at keeping my lies in order. I knew who I told what and what I had to build on.
    It was like a game.
  6. I lied about little things too. My favorite color, my favorite tv show, what I had for lunch. These ones were impulsive. Sometimes I wouldn't even realize I had lied. There was no point in lying, I just did.
  7. As a kid my life was different from my friend's in a lot of ways. Lying helped me bridge that gap. I would tell certain lies to make myself seem more like them. Less anxious, more exciting.
  8. Sometimes the life I made up was easier than the one I was living.
  9. It was also a defense mechanism. The less real emotion and thoughts you put out there the less likely you are to get hurt. You can trust people with lies.
    Lying was an easy way to deflect attention away from my actual problems.
  10. I used to invent memories too. I'd take situations I thought were cool and insert myself and my family into them.
    My brother used to confuse me by asking if I remembered something, like a family trip or game we used to play, and when I agreed he would say, "well it never happened." He was using my own moves against me, to show me what I was doing.
  11. I never lied to hurt people, although I could have. Being a good liar comes with certain territory and destruction is one of them.
    I'm sure I did hurt people with lies at some point or another but it was never my intent. I just liked to lie.
  12. It wasn't until I started high school that I began to make an effort to lie less. I would wait before I answered questions or started conversation to give myself time form an honest response.
    I was finally beginning to accept that fact that I didn't need to lie. People liked me for who I was, I didn't need to make things up anymore*. (*I never needed to make things up)
  13. I still lied but only about minor things. Why I didn't do the homework, why I couldn't hangout. Normal lies. Lies that made me anxious and made me feel bad.
    It took me a long time to feel bad about lying. It was so effortless when I was young that I never stopped to think about what I was doing. When I got older and started feeling bad about it I felt more normal. I still lied, but I accepted that it was wrong.
  14. Now at 19 I still lie because everybody lies. It's part of being a human. But it's no longer pathological, it's a conscious decision.
    Like if someone asks me if an ugly baby is cute I'll lie and say yes. Things like that. Lying so much when I was young is part of the reason I say literally and honestly so much now. I'm really trying to drive home the fact that I'm being honest, that I'm not lying. (And I don't lie to you, li.st, I really don't. Honestly.)
  15. My days of endless lies about pointless things are over.
    I've under gone some great character development in the past few years.