TALENTS I DO NOT BRAG ABOUT NEARLY ENOUGH
- •I can crack an egg with one handNo shells, no split yolks, no tomfoolery just a clean crack. Someone call Gordon Ramsay because this bitch is READY for MasterChef (Junior).
- •I can change a wet diaper in 30 secondsI can also change a child while the child is standing. Once you have to change 30 diapers a day you get it down to a science. Bring me your children, I will change them at lightning speed.
- •I can dance while running on a treadmillThe people at the gym either hate me or love me. I bring a certain level of energy to the gym that not everyone can handle at 6 am.
- •I can put my hair in a ponytail while running and while underwaterI've never tried to due it while running underwater but I probably could because I'm talented as fuq
- •I can rally an entire legion of two and three year olds to run around the playground looking for a monster that isn't thereThey'll also chase my coworkers if I tell them too. My own personal army.
- •I can lace Converse properlyWhich I have come to find that a lot of people can't do? That's why they won't stay tied FYI, they're improperly laced.
- •I can eat an entire pizzaEasy, next!
- •I can crush the living hell out of Harry Potter triviaAsk me about Lavender Brown's bunny. Do it. I'll tell you about good ole Binky.
- •I am a PRO nickname giverAlmost every nickname I have given to my friends and the kids at work have stuck. Little Bear, Petrie, Kathy, Little Bean, Domingo, Bug. I'm a nickname connoisseur.