THE DOS AND DON'TS OF BATHING A 120 POUND CHOCOLATE LAB

Results may vary.
  1. Do have everything ready before you start.
    Once this begins you're all in.
  2. Don't be naive and assume that the dog will stay in the kiddie pool.
    He's going to be everywhere but the kiddie pool. He doesn't even fit in the kiddie pool. The kiddie pool is useless.
  3. Do tie the leash to the deck.
    Hope that you can trust the structural integrity of the deck.
  4. Don't tie the leash to a metal deck chair assuming that it's heavy enough.
    This will leave you juggling a wet dog, a hose, a kiddie pool, and a metal chair.
  5. Don't get distracted while rubbing in the shampoo and accidentally touch the dog's wiener.
    It's awkward for all involved parties.
  6. Do have treats on hand to reward the pup.
    Pup is confused as to why he's being sprayed with a hose, he deserves some treats.
  7. Don't begin washing the dog in an area made up of dirt and rocks.
    Dirt does a funny thing when it gets wet and it makes the whole operation a lot harder.
  8. Do tell the dog that he's a good boy the whole time.
    He is a good boy and it's a good time to remind him of that.
  9. Don't try and stop the dog from shaking.
    It's going to happen.
  10. Do remain calm when the dog shakes, covering you in shampoo, water, and mud.
    Freaking out will only excite the dog and he will jump on you and you will be even wetter, muddier, and shampooy-er.
  11. Don't tell your mom just how soon after the bath the dog was on the hardwood.