THE FIRST AND LAST TIME I STAGED AN INSTAGRAM PHOTO
Instagram is not worth guys. It's just not.
- •My mom has owned a consignment store since I was in middle school and I spent the majority of my teenage years there.As cool as it is to hangout with your mom all the time spending every day after school and your Saturdays at your mom's business kind of blows.
- •I used to get incredibly bored around 4 o'clock and was always looking for ways to entertain myself that did include actually doing work.We closed at 6 and the last two hours were the longest hours of my life.
- •When I was 14 I decided to occupy my time by trying to come up with the coolest, artsy-est Instagram photo I could think of.Instagram was new and I just wanted to show all ten of my Instagram followers that I was cool.
- •It was a few days after Valentine's Day and my brother had gotten my mom roses the day after Valentine's Day because they were two dollars and he was cheap.With the help of my brother's late gift and too much time on tumblr I thought up the perfect insta post.
- •I was going to use the flower petals to write "love" on the white brick on the back of the building. It was going to be dramatic and artsy and perfect.The brick looks like this and is not at all pretty or artsy. It's not even brick, it's just concrete.
- •So I stole a couple of flowers and used them to write "love" on the wall (in my awful handwriting). I snapped a few pics and then decided to wipe it off before my mom, or anyone else, saw it.There was a minor problem.
- •Rose petals stain. They stain real good.I couldn't get it off. I panicked and frantically googled "how to clean concrete" "rose stains on patio" anything I could think of to try and find out how to get it off. Everything I found required a pressure washer or special cleaners, things 14 year old me did not have.
- •After trying every cleaner we had I finally broke down and told my mom.It was the most embarrassing conversation we've ever had.
- •She was mad. Then she told me that she was going to have to call the property manager because technically it's vandalism.At this point I was sobbing because I was pretty sure I was going to have to pay a fine, my mom was mad, and my pictures weren't even that great.
- •She told me to go to the gas station across the street and buy bleach to try and get it off.At this moment please imagine 14 year old me, with my braces and flared jeans, trying to stop crying as I purchase a bottle of bleach from a gas station. I'm honestly surprised that I wasn't flagged by some watch list or asked if I had been kidnapped.
- •By this time it was dark and I made my way back to my mom's store to try and clean it off.After half a bottle of bleach, a toilet brush, a lot of tears on my part, and a lot of laughter on my mother's it finally came off.
- •Somewhere on one of our computers is a picture my mom took of me crying while I scrub the wall with a toilet brush.Not one of my finer moments.
- •That was six years ago and I haven't staged an Instagram photo since.My past keeps me humble.