THIS LIVES IN MY HOUSE NOW

My mom got it as a Christmas gift and it's lovely and thoughtful but I don't trust it one bit
  1. It's a giant cactus
    Ft. giant cactus box
  2. It's huge
    Kelleigh is 5'8" (SHORTER THAN ME) and this thing is taller than her
  3. The bottom of it is really skinny and weird
  4. It's just there, in our dining room.
    Like a giant middle finger or you know, a penis
  5. I'm scared that spiders are going to crawl out of it. Or that it's going to fall and I'm going to have to clean up its shattered remains.
  6. We're not sure about our feelings for the cactus but they're mostly negative
  7. How do you even care for a cactus?
  8. Anyway I have a cactus now.
    Please don't let this change your opinion of me.