THINGS I LEARNED FROM "COME AS YOU ARE"

An excellent book about sex by Emily Nagoski
  1. We are all different.
  2. We are all normal.
  3. Our sexual desire is made up of an "accelerator" and "brakes."
    They are two different systems. Arousal comes from increasing the accelerator and decreasing the brakes.
  4. Sexually relevant stimuli and threats are not innate, but learned.
  5. Whether something sexually relevant is a turn-on depends on context.
  6. The hymen normally doesn't tear; instead, it stretches.
  7. There can be nonconcordance between genital response and subjective arousal.
  8. Many women have a responsive desire style rather than a spontaneous desire style.
    Meaning you feel desire when responding to sexual cues rather than feeling suddenly "in the mood." And both are normal!
  9. Sexual desire is not a drive.
    A drive keeps an organism at a healthy baseline, but sex isn't necessary for survival. Rather, sexual desire is an incentive motivation system.
  10. Orgasm and arousal are about what happens in your brain not your genitals - they are subjective experiences.
  11. Your sexuality is normal and okay - listen to your body.
  12. It's a great book and you should read it!
    But maybe not in the lunchroom at work, just saying.