THINGS I LEARNED FROM "COME AS YOU ARE"
An excellent book about sex by Emily Nagoski
- •We are all different.
- •We are all normal.
- •Our sexual desire is made up of an "accelerator" and "brakes."They are two different systems. Arousal comes from increasing the accelerator and decreasing the brakes.
- •Sexually relevant stimuli and threats are not innate, but learned.
- •Whether something sexually relevant is a turn-on depends on context.
- •The hymen normally doesn't tear; instead, it stretches.
- •There can be nonconcordance between genital response and subjective arousal.
- •Many women have a responsive desire style rather than a spontaneous desire style.Meaning you feel desire when responding to sexual cues rather than feeling suddenly "in the mood." And both are normal!
- •Sexual desire is not a drive.A drive keeps an organism at a healthy baseline, but sex isn't necessary for survival. Rather, sexual desire is an incentive motivation system.
- •Orgasm and arousal are about what happens in your brain not your genitals - they are subjective experiences.
- •Your sexuality is normal and okay - listen to your body.
- •It's a great book and you should read it!But maybe not in the lunchroom at work, just saying.