BOOKS I LOVE BUT WILL NEVER READ AGAIN

Life is too short. @sophia sorry this got so morbid
  1. Cum for Bigfoot
    La petite mort. I didn't need to experience the pleasure twice. Fun fact: this was a huge bestseller that's been taken down by Amazon due to its "immoral content."
  2. The Middlesteins by Jami Attenburg
    She really "gets" suburbia and the modern American family. But, being from a family of depressed Jews, I don't want to ruminate too much over a possible death by Chinese food scenario.
  3. Zuleika Dobson by Max Beerbohm
    "Death cancels all engagements," utters the first casualty
  4. The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. by Adelle Waldman
    Too real. I have dated this literary man-child so many times. If you don't want to read the book because the end is probably nigh, please see this brilliant and condensed explanation of said man-child in the The New Inquiry's perfect response to Tikkun's ridiculously sexist Theory of the Young-Girl. http://bit.ly/1CXmJ50
  5. Ancillary Justice by Anne Leckie
    I had to read half the sentences twice. I won't live long enough to circle that planet again.
  6. Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
    So many digressions. So postmodern. So much work. No death joke.
  7. The Abortion by Richard Brautigan
    Can't the title say it all?
  8. Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman
    Can't the title say enough?
  9. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
    Can't the title remove the images from my head before I go?
  10. Roots by Alex Haley
    Every moment of my all-too-brief life is too precious to waste on ten generations of the most oppressed family for a second time. Plus my eyes will dry up and fall out from the crying.
  11. Among Others by Jo Walton
    Every sci fi reference from my teenage years before I felt the kiss of the afterlife.
  12. Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart
    I am terrified of technology and mortality and whiny men. Don't need to relive the fear twice.
  13. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
    Mysterious literary recluses mean I can die happy before I can read this again.
  14. The Powerbroker by Robert Caro
    Just too long. But, I will read a thousand page fantasy novel four times (and counting) before I kick the bucket.
  15. Selections from Herodotus
    Dead people who did so many interesting things and so many dull ones.
  16. Speedboat by Renata Adler
    I'm too close to the grave to read too deeply about myself.
  17. Anna Karenina by Tolstoy
    I'm too close to the grave to read too deeply about my future.
  18. The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by A.N. Roquelaure
    I can die happy having read this, Anne Rice's pseudonymous erotic fairytale. Too weird to subject myself to again.