1. Never show up overdressed.
    From my impeccable Southern Grandmother upon giving me a designer gown, which I have never worn,
  2. Don't trust a man with a bun.
    From my mother, when she was drunk. While I have never trusted one, I have been in a years-long mess with one. It was terrible. She was right.
  3. Reading Ulysses isn't worth it.
    From what I can tell it's one long, verbal masturbation session. Don't comment on "how good it is" or "how I should really give it a go." I don't care. Never going to happen.
  4. ...
  5. ...
  6. That's it.
  7. I don't like to be told what to do.