Reasons I Was the Most Savage Child Around

Looking back on my time as a child, I look to be the precedent on why super villains aren't allowed to procreate.
  1. Ran back screaming to my classroom after volunteering to go right first in our first ever school wide vaccination with my hands over my face "THEY PUT IT IN MY EYE".
  2. Mean girl was sending me death threats on MSN (not a typo). Her mother wouldn't believe that her child could do such a thing. Saved every single convo for 365 days, then had it bound and lamented. Sent it to her mother in the mail.
  3. Used my media leader status in middle school to set the clock back 4 minutes so I'd never be late.
  4. Took my racist teacher's educational science VCR tapes home each week and recorded over them with Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episodes. The class got to watch them while he tried to figure why this kept happening.