How to Be an Asshole When You Talk About Books

Real conversation I just overheard between a total literary douche and a friend who doesn't seem to be into his "I've read everything and you haven't" vibe.
  1. "Infinite Jest is one of my favorite books of all time."
  2. "I don't read for pleasure, I read to learn."
  3. "I've recently transitioned to goal-oriented reading."
  4. "My friends give me flack, but I have over 1000 books to read on my Good Reads list."
  5. "Like, I don't want to spend five hours playing board games with friends if I could watch half a dozen lectures or read a whole book instead."
  6. "That book he recommended is the only one I've given a one-star rating on Amazon."
  7. "I'm usually working on half a dozen books at a time, if not more."
  8. "Reading The Republic in French really changed my perspective on Plato."
  9. "I'd rather go on a walk than read a romance novel."