How To Determine If Your Uncle Larry Voted For Trump Without Asking
- •Check the front yard.Is there a garden gnome next to an American flag? That may be a sign that he voted for Trump and that your Aunt Martha spends a lot of his insurance money at HomeGoods.
- •If that doesn't work, go to the kitchen.Do you see a baby photo of you, framed by an American flag fridge magnet? You're getting warmer.
- •Open the pantry.If you spot at least two boxes of rice you can microwave and throw in some cans of caffeine free Diet Coke, this may be the house of someone who doesn't believe in equal pay for women.
- •Check out the mantle above the fake fireplace.Did you spot framed bible quotes and cross stitches of angels that they definitely didn't get from Etsy? Uncle Larry probably isn't feeling your lesbian roommate.
- •Go through their recycling in the mud room.If there's at least 10 Burlington Coat Factory ads with the coupons ripped out, Aunt Martha is definitely posting about how All Lives Matter on her Class of '67 Facebook page.
- •While Aunt Martha is unwrapping the tin foil that's covering the frozen pumpkin bread, sneak into their bedroom.This is a trick step: They have separate bedrooms. Of course they do. Because they voted for Trump and Uncle Larry certainly isn't going down on Aunt Martha anytime soon.