How to End Something

  1. 1.
    Date them.
    Over coffee. You talk to them. And hook-up. Maybe you'll order Seamless on occasion.
  2. 2.
    Leave them.
    Wrong place, wrong time. You hate the grammar they use in texts. You're leaving the country. Ignore them.
  3. 3.
    Don't unfollow them.
    To keep tabs. To see what their favorite brunch place is recently. Like sporadically.
  4. 4.
    Text them.
    About things unrelated for no more than six texts. Politics. Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Non-sexual selfies. Add a "haha."
  5. 5.
    See them.
    To "catch up." Grab a drink. Go for a late night-stroll. To their place. To their bedroom. Wake up late on a Saturday.
  6. 6.
    Read the NYT with them.
    While you make burnt scrambled eggs and their at the bodega. You read the Real Estate section. They pretend to read Business.
  7. 7.
    Kiss them.
    On the way out of their fifth floor walk-up. They say they'll see you again next weekend. You know you won't.
  8. 8.
    Talk about them.
    To your friends on Sunday. Their quirks aren't doable anymore. In fact, you don't want to do them in a metaphorical or literal capacity.
  9. 9.
    Delete them.
    Your friends say. From your contacts. On Facebook. On Twitter. And lastly, Instagram.
  10. 10.
    Find them.
    With another them. But you're with another them anyways.