Real text from my father at 4pm today.
  1. "Hi, pretty daughter, hope all is well."
    Starting off with a compliment is never a good idea.
  2. "I had to go to the ER on Saturday because of severe lower abdomen pain."
    Wait what?! It's MONDAY.
  3. "I had surgery that night to remove my appendix."
    Okay let's address the fact that it's Monday at 4pm again.
  4. "I'm still in the hospital and will be here for another day or two."
    Such a casual tone about the length of the hospital stay.
  5. "Feeling rough, but I'll survive."
    This sounds like something a girl would say to a guy when she's trying to pretend like she's not that angry, but really is except it's the hospital and it's surgery and it's over text.
  6. "I love you."
    Gut wrenching closing statement. Pun intended.