Look at That Guy Over There

  1. He's so cute.
  2. Look at him pick out those green grapes. I hope he likes seedless, too.
  3. Fuck, he caught me staring.
  4. I guess I should look away.
  5. I can't.
  6. Now I'm staring at him walk away.
  7. Look at his back muscles.
  8. I wonder if he works out.
  9. Fuck, I don't work out enough. This will never work.
  10. He would totally laugh if he saw me naked and not in a "Wow I can't believe I'm hooking up with a girl that looks like Scarlett Johansson and Rosie Huntington Whitely had a baby" kind of way.
  11. Why was I in the produce section, again?
  12. Right, bananas.
  13. No, he's about to turn the corner and head near the meat!
  14. I've got to pull up my notes on my phone quick before his back is gone forever.
  15. Okay, zucchini, squash, fresh basil, Yukon potatoes, oh fuck it, I'll just eat pizza.
  16. I can see him peering into the organic beef section.
  17. He better be liberal.
  18. Because I'm liberal and I like fancy hamburgers.
  19. Maybe we can go try a fancy hamburger at Umami!
  20. Ew, but honestly who wants to go on a date where you're eating a juicy burger, while lying about your life?
  21. Oh, he's into chicken sausage, too!
  22. I wonder what he orders at brunch.
  23. He doesn't look like the pancake type, but I can work with that if he is that type!
  24. Shit he's moving through these sections quicker than I can casually move my cart.
  25. WHY DID I END UP WITH A CART WITH A SQUEAKY WHEEL AGAIN.
  26. He can hear me. He can totally hear me.
  27. Turn your head. Look engrossed in the chicken sausage you're about to pass.
  28. Scratch your head.
  29. Good job, wow now you look like an incompetent female.
  30. Another point for the patriarchy!
  31. He's going down the international food aisle.
  32. Does anyone even buy their international food here?
  33. I need to space this out.
  34. Give it a few extra seconds.
  35. Okay, come on cart, don't squeak on me again.
  36. Now's your chance.
  37. Ask him if he likes salsa.
  38. No wait, ask him what his favorite brand of Mexican soda is.
  39. He's looking at Thai curry in a box?
  40. Lol okay I can get over that.
  41. It's just me and you in the aisle.
  42. I can totally do this.
  43. God his back muscles look good when he bends over.
  44. Not a great butt, though.
  45. Okay, deep breath.
  46. FUCK.
  47. He's turning away.
  48. He's walking towards his cart.
  49. She's walking towards his cart.
  50. She's cute, but not that cute.
  51. Okay, well, she kind of looks like Jessica Alba.
  52. FUCK.
  53. She's wearing an Abercrombie shirt.
  54. Who even wears Abercrombie? Doesn't she pay taxes?
  55. Cart will you please shut up?
  56. My exit is so obvious.
  57. I have to leave the aisle with something.
  58. Oh, look, salsa!