My Mom Had Cancer and It Was Hilarious

  1. A day before my mom officially announced that she had breast cancer, I told her that Diet Coke causes cancer.
    She immediately put down her drink and dumped the rest of the cans down the drain. I thought it was hilarious. She wasn't laughing.
  2. When she did officially tell @graham and I, we thought she was joking.
    We definitely thought she was being hilarious.
  3. But, she did actually have cancer and that wasn't so hilarious.
    Luckily, they caught it early so "it wasn't that big of a deal" in the cancer world, according to my mom.
  4. She lost her hair so she bought herself some hilarious wigs.
    One time, she picked me up from school in a pink bob and sunglasses with one lens missing. She thought it was hilarious and I was mortified.
  5. We got to pull the cancer card at school.
    I got out of tests, papers and even received extensions on group projects, by pulling the cancer card. No teacher ever questioned it and I mostly got to hang out in the library all day. That was very hilarious and very cool at my school.
  6. We made fun of her homemade almond milk.
    She forced us all into a three-week raw cleanse to "cure her cancer" and we all had to go along with it. A lot of the meals incorporated almond milk, so our kitchen was filled with cheese cloth and almonds from Costco. After many failed attempts at making this, we'd get Mexican instead. My mom would get a margarita and she'd become so hilarious that my step-dad would have to drive us home.
  7. She had a double mastectomy so she could become a Real Housewife.
    While the surgery was pretty grueling, she had a double mastectomy and got some "younger breasts" as she called them. She became the Real Housewife of Cancer and it was hilarious.
  8. Since she's cancer-free I was able to make this politically-incorrect list.
    She's fine. We're all fine. It was a while ago and now she has hair on her head and California fake breasts on her chest that all of her lady-friends are jealous of. While cancer itself isn't hilarious, you sure can make it pretty damn hilarious if you put your mind to it.