Why My 15-year-old Cousin Is Cooler Than ME

Today, I showed my cousin from Newton, Mass. around Oxford and I've officially decided that he's killing the game.
  1. Not on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
  2. Reads economics textbooks for fun.
  3. Interviewed Jonathan Gruber, a former Obama administration consultant, for his school paper.
  4. Is actually good at tennis.
  5. Was invited to a Lindsay Graham fundraiser, which he is attending next Tuesday.
    *He reiterated that he does not believe in his political views, but is doing it "for the connections.*
  6. Has a direct line to the White House
  7. Does not think there are calories in beer.
    He did not drink that. He ordered a pint of water instead.