THE TIME "THE OFFICE" ALMOST GOT ME IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL

  1. okay so imagine a ten year old who has just been introduced to the office
  2. the first episode i saw was "conflict resolution"
  3. which sparked a fire in me to become the jim of my fifth grade classroom
  4. began with the "does it smell like updog in here to you?" bit from the episode "the secret"
  5. joke spreads like wildfire around my class
  6. basking in my new found glory i decide to take it up a notch
  7. i watch the episode "branch closing"
  8. the cold open involves jim using dwight's personalized paper to fax him a warning from "future dwight" to tell him the coffee has been poisoned
  9. dwight, of course, freaks out and knocks the coffee out of stanley's hand
  10. i began my quest to recreate this in a classroom setting, where we had no access to fax machines or hot coffee
    essentially a prison
  11. i decide on using a note that says "do not touch your notebook! it has been covered in poison. more to come later. sincerely, future [target's name]"
  12. after i write the note i put it in my target's cubby and get outta there
  13. within the hour, the note is found
  14. target is skeptical but slightly freaked out
  15. teacher is alerted
  16. teacher assures target their notebook isn't coated in poison
    how would she be certain though
  17. teacher addresses class and asks whoever did it to confess
  18. obviously no one does
  19. teacher verbalizes disappointment but leaves it at that
  20. target is unsatisfied and begins investigation
  21. target narrows it down to me and a fellow classmate
  22. fellow classmate has a spotty record at best
  23. i have a record of solely messing with target over several years, though this record is known only to me and target
    and even then, target thinks i've messed with them maybe twice, though actual count is more like twenty times
  24. target declares me as perpetrator
  25. in performance often referred to by the academy as "a true masterpiece", i begin to cry and ask why people always assume the worst in me
  26. i then throw fellow classmate under the bus ("they do stuff like this all the time!") and lock myself in the bathroom
  27. fellow classmate insists their innocence and the class comes to the consensus they are not the perp
  28. class also decides i am innocent and was framed
  29. teacher coaxes me out of the bathroom and target apologizes for blaming me
  30. i become slightly afraid of my own power