1. "We are not bringing wine to church in to-go cups"-Mom
    Proceed to chug
  2. "Okay so that's the second time crack has been mentioned tonight"-Matt
  3. "I ruined my cell phone when I jumped in the pool with my clothes on at your 13th birthday party"-Dad
    I had almost forgotten this horrific event
  4. "We're taking the truck because I want to show up in style"-Dad
  5. *Maddie opens a bottle of wine to fill her 12th glass of the night...breaks cork in the bottle*..."I think it must've been grandpa"-Maddie
    Going to hell for throwing my grandpa under the bus...sorry
  6. "I think Geoff is part Asian"-Dad
    Because Geoff was taking pictures of everyone opening their gifts