MAKING A MURDERER CHARACTERS, RANKED
It's less "binge worthy" and more "can't look away." I'm not ranking Steven because the trials never seemed to actually be about him or anything that happened in, you know, reality
- 1.Steven Avery's attorneysThey did their jobs well. Were kind to Steve's family. And when that POS Calumet trooper, Colburn, played dumb about who brought up the '99 Toyota the one examining just calmly played the audio again, contradicting him, like a boss.
- 2.Younger female reporter who was having NONE OF ITHer facial expressions when the prosecutor answered questions in nonsensical ways were priceless. Honorable mention from the press pool: gray-haired Ken doll with the laser part. All of the reporters' disbelieving expressions were great, tbh.
- 3.Steven's mom"Yeah?" "Yeah."
- 4.Brendan DasseyOof. This kid. This kid getting badgered was the hardest ep for me to watch. IQ at 69-72 when 70 is the bottom threshold for functioning. And he's alone in a room with these railroading detectives. Then he's bummed he won't get out of jail in time for Wrestlemania because he has no concept of what's going on.
- 5.Cousin KaylaSaying she made up the statement to Fassbender and Wiegart during Brendan's trial. The only person who even halfway called out these jerks for purposely confusing and coercing her. Brave girl.
- 6.That school bus driver that testified for like 3 minsGirlfriend had real presence. And poked a nice hole in Bobby's fake sounding story. I hope she got out of Wisconsin.
- 7.All of the defense's expert witnessesWho actually sounded like they knew what they were talking about and who didn't crumble under cross examination.
- 8.Teresa's brother, her ex and her roommateMike was talking about the length of the grieving period before any remains were even found and then tacked on, "Oh of course we hope she she's found alive." Then he's erasing messages in her voicemail. Then her roommate/ex break into her phone records. What's with these dudes and her phone? Shady af.
- 9.The sketch artist from the first rape trialNow we're crossing over to the dark side. I realized a few eps in that this doc was hard to watch because all these pink, puffy men were telling bald faced lies in such calm voices, the same tone men tend to use with women to say they're being crazy or irrational. The sketch artist's faux exasperation was really infuriating.
- 10.Bobby DasseyBobby was a lying liar.
- 11.Brendan's court-appointed attorneyYou let this kid get interrogated alone? And stop smiling every time a camera is on you, you prick.
- 12.Detectives Fassbender and Wiegart"Tell us what happened to her head." Brendan makes a series of wild guesses because he has a project due in 6th period before they suggest a gun was involved and he can answer in a way that makes him feel like he gave them what they were looking for. The puppy analogy his attorney made at his trial felt spot on.
- 13.Officer ColburnYou were reading off that license plate, asshole. You found the car. And then you moved it where it could easily be found on the Avery property.
- 14.Detective LenkYeah, I'm sure it's just a coincidence that the State's ONLY evidence ever appeared after you happened to be on scene. Months after the initial search. In a case you weren't allowed to be working.
- 15.Prosecutor Ken KratzHis gaslighting tone was most infuriating because his misrepresentations were so egregious. That smug smile he had at every press conference. The smile of someone who knows what he's getting away with. Then the sexual harassment of a domestic abuse victim? Plus 5 other women? He's human garbage.