ARMCHAIR CASTING DIRECTOR: BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI REBOOT
One of the finest films ever made. You might as well repaint the Sistine Chapel. Any attempted reboot would suffer in the comparison to a masterpiece. This should not be done under any circumstances. So of course it's going to happen, someday. Let's get ahead of the game and get the casting right. (You're welcome, Hollywood.)
- •Jon Hamm as ShearsI realize while writing this that I probably made a subconscious identity theft connection between Hamm's Don Draper character and Shears. I stand by this decision.
- •Ken Watanabe as Colonel SaitoI don't even think the reboot is possible without Watanabe. No one has the chops to pull of the level of intensity necessary for saito.
- •Michael Fassbender as Major Clipton"MADNESS! MADNESS!"
- •Ewan McGregor as Lieutenant Colonel NicholsonYou might be tempted to criticize this decision by saying that it's become cliche to think of Ewan McGregor reprising a prior Sir Alec Guinness role. I don't care. I can't imagine another actor evoking the same steely resolve after being slapped in the face with the Geneva Conventions.