DISEASES MY KIDS HAVE SHARED WITH ME AND MY SPOUSE

My little vectors! It's like daycare is a biological weapons research lab and they're so dedicated that they can't help but take their work home with them!
  1. Pinkeye.
    Oh the pinkeye. So much goddamned pinkeye.
  2. Ear infections
    Straight talk: a pediatrician will tell you that it is not possible for an ear infection to spread from person to person. When this happens, just nod and smile and silently tell them to eff themselves.
  3. Mono
    My daughter gave me mono and showed absolutely no sign of being ill.
  4. Stomach flus
    Like the simultaneous projectile vomit/peeing out of your butt kind
  5. Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease
    Or as it's known around here: hoo-haa belt sander disease.