1. You were a beacon of light in a vast ocean of darkness
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  2. Watching all that terrible television
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    for all us sinners
  3. Now that you're gone, television is free to be as stupid as it wants to be
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  4. "That I do, sir."
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  5. No one is left to hold it accountable
  6. "Here go hell come"
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  7. No one is left to speak truth to power:
  8. The Kardashians will be kept up with
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    With impunity. No one will remember the time when the Kardashians were the butt of a joke. Big Ass and a sex tape. Dead-behind-the-eyes sisters. These statements won't make any sense to your children.
  9. Ghosts will be hunted
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    By that I mean that attention whores will replay recordings of themselves in a dank basement
  10. Jack Hoffmann and the miners of Gold Rush Alaska will continue working those glory holes
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    And no one will point out the innuendo
  11. Bigfoot Finders will continue to not find Bigfoot
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  12. For those of us that survive, all we have left are fading memories
  13. "Dunka dooballs"
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