The sexual encounter these ladies need is obviuosly with a flabby, balding, married father of two with terrible skin, ungracefully approaching middle age.
  1. Joan Holloway (Mad Men)
    It drives me into a frenzy to know that Christina Hendricks was a goth chick growing up in the metro DC area.
  2. Crush (American Gladiators circa 2008)
    This chick would wreck me
  3. Liz Lemon (30 Rock)
    I really dislike the 'no-sex-on-a-school-night' policy, but IT'S LIZ FUcKING LEMON, you guys!
  4. Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Project)
    (Also Kelly Kapour from The Office)
  5. Jerri Blank (Strangers with Candy)
    Or Amy Sedaris in anything
  6. Amy Schumer (Inside Amy Schumer)
    Could totally get it
  7. Maude Lebowski (The Big Lebowski)
    A natural, zesty enterprise.
  8. Lana Kane (Archer)
    Or any character played by Aisha Tyler
  9. Sarah Silverman (The Sarah Silverman Program)
  10. Lois Griffin (Family Guy)
  11. Lt. Uhura (Star Trek reboot)
    I'm such a nerd.
  12. Mayor Goodway from Paw Patrol
    You'll need me after your inevitable indictment for incompetent misuse of Adventure Bay City funds.
  13. Ava Alexander (Up All Night)
  14. Amy Lee (from Evanescence)
    Technically not fictional. But I have a weakness for goth chicks.
  15. Skylar (Good Will Hunting)
    Can't believe Matt Damon ghosted her after Good Will Hunting