GRUMPY HOLIDAY EGGNOG RECIPE

Shout out to @brook_ashley for the photo assistance.
  1. Buy some fuckin eggnog
  2. Just store brand ready-made shit. Whatever.
    Do I look like Martha Stewart? I don't have time to beat a bunch of fuckin eggs. Get out of here with that weak-ass shit.
  3. Booze it up.
    Whatever you have around the house. I hear kraken spiced rum is amazing, but I don't have any of that shit around here because my liquor store doesn't carry it in anything other than a fifth, and that's too expensive, son.
  4. Here. This SoCo in a plastic pint bottle will do.
    Why yes, the plastic does imbue the liquor with a distinct chemical spill flavor. Akin to what I imagine it would be like to clean up a superfund site with nothing but your tongue.
  5. This next part is so critical, you guys:
  6. Kahlua. Enough to make the nog turn brown.
  7. Add a dollop of nog flavored ice cream (if available), cuz my dumb ass tried to buy egg nog on Dec 24th, and all they had was 'light' eggnog, whatever tf that is.
    (Not pictured, because the store was out of that, too)
  8. Garnish with self-loathing. Or 10mg lexapro
    Ask your doctor if nog is right for you.
  9. Enjoy. Drink until you begin to appreciate all the family togetherness over the holidays.