MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR UAE TRIP (AND AVOID CAUSING AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT)

  1. Don't ask why there are pictures of Macho Man Randy Savage everywhere.
    For some reason this offended everyone. 🤔
  2. If everyone is staring at you like you just farted, you're probably in the 'women & children only' car on the subway
    Or maybe you farted, I don't know your story
  3. If you have google maps on your phone and an international data plan, congratulations: you can navigate better than your cab driver
    To be fair to the cab drivers, all the roads were completely razed and then re-routed again last week.
  4. It is unlikely that anyone working at the 'authentic' Tex-Mex place has ever been to Texas or Mexico
    Or ever had food from either of those places.
  5. Your hosts are a very generous, gracious people, but don't expect anyone to make a margarita that doesn't taste like anti-freeze
    Why would you even order one in a country whose citizens are forbidden from drinking? TF were you thinking?
  6. On name-dropping: maybe don't casually mention to your hosts how you worked on a similar program for their neighbors, Israel.
    FUN FACT: no Emirati has ever referred to their 'neighbor to the north(west)' as 'The Emirate's Canada' -who knew! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (The reaction was less 'this guy farted' and more 'this guy just sprayed diarrhea all over the conference room and I'm purposely trying not to notice.')
  7. Resist the urge to buy these things. You know you'll just break your neck in the airport parking lot.
  8. Try to take a decent picture of the Burj Khalifa
    FAIL
  9. Try to take a decent picture of the Burj al-Arab
    How did you manage to catch it so the sun looks like Sauron's pupil is dilated? Your lack of photography skills is seriously embarrassing, 'Daniel.'
  10. Enjoy the view (from Pinkberry)