MOMENT OF REALIZATION: THIS PERSON HAS A NEST OF ANGRY SQUIRRELS WHERE THEIR BRAIN-MEAT SHOULD BE 🐿

  1. The wife and I were closing on our first house.
    At the height of the housing bubble.
  2. The owner of the title agency, officiating the largest transaction I've ever made in my life says:
  3. "You know about contrails, right?
  4. Me: "..."
    I had heard a thing or two about a tinfoil-hat style conspiracy theory on the Internet. propagated by folks with a questionable understanding of the chemistry of combustion and also atmospheric physics. Something about how aircraft must be dispersing some kind of toxins via jet exhaust because contrails don't dissipate immediately or some shit.
  5. Her: "They've been poisoning us for years."
  6. Me: 🤔
    Can I just sign some paperwork, please?
  7. Me "Who?"
  8. Her: " you know." *lowers her voice.* "the Muslims."
  9. Me: 👀 !
  10. Her: "That's why everyone is allergic to peanuts now."