STOCKHOLM SYNDROME ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE PARENTHOOD

The wisdom of Dr. Cox from Scrubs: having a baby is like having a dog that slowly learns how to talk. You wish it was that easy. If you've never had kids, this is the best analogy I can think of:
  1. Imagine a recent Russian immigrant you met at the bus station is now your best friend.
    (the details of how this friendship came about are irrelevant but it probably involved drinking and/or whacky hijinks)
  2. His English is terrible. Plus he's drunk, like, all the time.
    You can barely understand him. Sometimes you think he's just speaking gibberish to fuck with you.
  3. He's kind of an asshole
    Random fits of demonic rage, don't-care-where-I-am-flatulence, absolutely no sense of personal space.
  4. But he is your best friend.
    You love him anyway- you're in it for the long haul
  5. Which is good for him, because he's constantly finding ways to endanger himself
    Whether due to the drunken lack of coordination, adrenaline addiction, or the fact that he long ago ran out of fucks to give
  6. And you are the only one who can stop him from killing himself
    Despite his best efforts
  7. ...for the next 18 years