Times my wife would have been 100% justified in divorcing me

  1. 1. Crowded movie theatre. The trailer for the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie has just finished.
  2. I look over at her, in (much) louder than conversational tone say:
  3. "I bet it's rated ARRRRRRRR!!!!!"
  4. 2. I start walking faster than her in a crowded mall.
  5. As she just barely catches up, I stare at her as if I have never seen her before and yell:
  6. "Why do you keep following me?"
  7. 3. At BJ's for the first time. We walk up to the service desk.
  8. I look the woman working the counter straight in the eye and say:
  9. "Can I have a BJ [extremely awkward pause] smembership please?"
    *NOTE: I only threatened to do this.