UNSETTLING RELIGIOUS/CONSERVATIVE PROPAGANDA HIDDEN IN THIS KIDS 'EDUCATIONAL' APP

We downloaded this picture dictionary app for my son. Each entry has a picture, a sentence using the word, and a woman's voice reading the sentence. Pretty straight-forward, right? Except every other word reveals the truly fucked up worldview of the developer. I can't stress this enough: nowhere in the description was it described as religious.
  1. Innocent enough, I guess. If this was the only religious mention in the app I wouldn't think twice
  2. Kids play with water guns. No big deal. But who the fuck thinks 'gun' is such a crucial part of a 3-year old's vocabulary that they need to explicitly teach it with words and pictures?
  3. Christmas is pretty harmless, but any non-Christian kid is going to wonder what she's missing out on at this point.
  4. Um. Ok, I guess it's good to teach kids about feelings...
  5. Wait a minute....
  6. Fuck. Me. Thanks a lot for introducing that conversation into my agnostic family. Who wrote this app? Fred Phelps? Ted Cruz? Nether one of those men strike me as especially tech savvy
  7. Great. Now I have to explain death to my kid. I'm grateful that whoever was pushing for 'dead' to be included in this app was shutdown for whatever shit-eating insane picture of a rotting corpse they wanted to include
  8. I'm going to skip right past how 'fight' is probably not a word I want to get into my kids head. Why am I now forced to explain the purpose of the military, the concept of war, or geopolitics to my 3-year old?
  9. I...I don't even know if that's biblically accurate.
    It's been well over a decade since Sunday school for me. Is that really a thing that people believe?(On another note: is it just me or did the artist intentionally make the angel look like Julia Stiles?)
  10. ("Well, yeah, unless that tramp's been having pre-marital sex," the programmer muttered under his breath)
  11. The app designer is obviously a serial killer.
  12. Shit on a shingle this is weird. Look how forlorn that guy looks.
  13. It sure is. So glad my son learned that before he could read or write
  14. Nothing wrong with old glory here. But for an age 3 vocabulary is it really a priority?
  15. Whoever created this app is obsessed with military stuff, and thinks your kid should be too
    "Look at that army of godless communists comin' fer yer guns! THANKS OBAMA!"
  16. "Why yes, those are granny panties on a clothesline. If you have a better idea to describe 'dry' to children, I'd like to hear it."
  17. I'm convinced that the creators of this app cannot possibly exist. They are liberal caricatures of religious conservatives. Like Stephen Colbert. (The eagle is a dead giveaway.) I'm almost a little bit relieved to have figured this out.
  18. Holy fucking shit I take it back. These people are all exactly like the serial killer from se7en.
  19. Of course she's afraid. Did you see that fucking clown?
  20. WTF. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???????