*NOTE: the opinions expressed in this list probably do not reflect reality. See @brook_ashley for dissenting opinion
  1. "You looked but didn't see."
    "Do they keep you up at night?" "Quid pro quo" My wife will not allow me to do this impression ever because it creeps her out. Which just reinforces my belief that I fucking nailed it.
  2. "Well hello beautiful!"
    Also not allowed to do this.
  3. "That. Would be quite painful...For you."
    Note that she is OK with this one, which makes me suspect that I'm not sufficiently invoking the 'Sean Connery trapped in a ventilation shaft' required to do the Bane voice.
  4. "Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me."
    "Put the fucking lotion in the basket!!!" Also verboten in my house. Also reinforces my confidence in my vocal abilities.
  5. "Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news."
    Maybe I should start questioning why I'm only good at creepy voices?
  6. Agitated Mark Wahlberg
    This is purely by accident. Only comes out when I'm trying to calm a tantruming child. Lots of whiny up talking. I can never do it on purpose.