WHY SPROUT'S "LAZY TOWN" IS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY

My kids call it "the weird show," and yet they cannot resist the siren's song.
  1. Uncanny valley muppets
    The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy. But they were effective because Skynet's propaganda program had lulled most of us into a false sense of security. By the time we became adults, we thought those abominations just wanted to play soccer and eat fruit.
  2. Replaceable actresses
    Call me a starry-eyed idealist, but maybe children's programming shouldn't be teaching girls the life lesson that after they stop being cute they will be discarded and never relevant again.
  3. Male Camel toe
    Personally, I don't think male moose knuckle is ever appropriate. To each his or her own, I guess. But can we all agree that ninja slipper of any flavor should be tucked in when children are around?
  4. If you play any of the music backwards, I'm pretty sure the devil starts talking to you
  5. This... Does Paul Ruebens know that they did this to him?
  6. There's only two possible origin stories for Sportacus:
    Either he was severely beaten by jocks in high school and has been juicing and plotting revenge ever since, or he was a jock, and severely beat all the nerdy kids.