I work at an old man dive bar, and let me tell you sometimes the wisdom OVERFLOWS in there
  1. 'What you should do is draw caricatures of your friends for free. Then they'll show other people and advertise for you'
    -John T., age 65, after three gin and sodas, who also still refers to Asian people as Orientals
  2. 'You need to get a good full time job with the MTA. Good benefits.'
    -Bernard, age 55(?), after two Grey Gooses, a Budweiser, and me telling him I never want a full time job
  3. 'I got a nice room in a nice house. You could clean a little, learn to cook, and then I could take you out. You're a nice girl'
    -Charlie, age 72, after two Absolute and cranberries. Pretty sure he's got a wife somewhere who probably lives in that house
  4. 'I was in the funeral business for thirty five years. Got to drive a lot of nice cars'
    -Nat, age 70, after three Bud Lights and a fit of giggles