SHIT PEOPLE SAY THAT THROWS ME INTO FITS OF ABSOLUTE RAGE

  1. Yummy
    If 'yummy' were a type face it would be Curlz and Comic Sans tragically fused together
  2. 'I'm just going to go home and watch Netflix'
    Aside from the alarming amount of times I hear this daily (do you really pay $1,000+ a month for a tiny box in New York City to stay home and watch fucking TV every single day? Maybe move into your parents' basement, you'd be like, a millionaire) you're not actually going to watch Netflix, you're going to watch something ON Netflix. ON NETFLIX. JESUS.
  3. Twerk
    Attention white girls: stop. Stop it right now. Stop saying it, stop referring to it, stop pretending that you're doing it. In the seemingly bottomless hole we have already dug ourselves in terms of co-opting black culture, this one makes me feel the most embarrassed for you.
  4. Bitch (in reference to another female)
    Please see Tina Fey's monologue in the gymnasium scene in Mean Girls.
  5. Hipster
    It is OK to be confused and frustrated by all the weirdos, I know, I'm confused and frustrated with me too. But this word is so overused it's become not a blanket term, but a fucking atmospheric dust cloud term. And they're not even bothering you because they got priced out of their neighborhoods when you moved in.
  6. Laying low
    You're not a spy or an FBI agent or an escaped convict, you're a regular-ass person who is hungover and just going to stay home and WATCH NETFLIX
  7. Lovers
    Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww
  8. Panties
    It's like the absolutely worst person in the world crawled into my brain and extracted my worst fears/nightmares, and condensed them into a single trigger word that will forever give me uncontrollable convulsions every time it is spoken. Whoever that guy is (and it is definitely a guy), thanks, asshole.