THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING IN THE BAR ALONE, AGAIN

  1. Pretend you are working on something.
    If another patron inquires, tell them you are an 'artist' and cover up the entire page of 〰〰〰〰 you just did to avoid contact with them.
  2. Check your email frequently.
    The panel of judges responsible for that grant you applied for often work tirelessly through the night, so it is important to refresh your inbox dozens of times between the hours of 1 and 4 am.
  3. Memorize the names of all of the tequilas that the bar carries.
    So you can be prepared when ordering your sixth one.
  4. Get very, very drunk.
    If you wanted to be sober you'd go to a park or the grocery store or something boring like that.
  5. Reach out to old friends.
    Amy commutes all the way out to the Upper East Side and wakes up at like 4 am, maybe she wants to grab a drink with you on her way to the office!
  6. Chat up the bartender.
    Because they think you are a fucking loser. Prove them wrong!
  7. Go home eventually.
    Or don't.