WHAT ARE MY CUSTOMERS DOING RIGHT NOW?

  1. Lying to their mom on the phone about how they are making really good money tutoring high school kids. They actually deliver weed in Park Slope
    How do I break into this industry?
  2. Playing all Whitney Houston on the jukebox, for the last two hours
    RIP, Bobbi Kristina
  3. Wearing not matching but definitely coordinating crop tops, being really cute
    I feel like Janice Ian in Mean Girls rn
  4. Realizing immediately that they are not compatible, but are going to follow through on the rest of this date anyway
    They are going to get more rounds, and either punch each other in the face or make out all over the bar. I am very excited about the outcome because it really is an even split
  5. Probably being underage
    Who cares, they're just drinking water anyway
  6. Not drinking tequila like it's compensating for the money they are not going to make
    Because that is what I'M doing