True stories of customer service

I'm a barista. All of these stories are true. Ready for some ALL CAPS?
  1. Someone looked at our menu for five whole minutes and then asked, "So do you have anything to drink?"
    WE ARE A CAFE. WE PRETTY MUCH ONLY HAVE DRINKS. They are all conveniently located on the menu, WHICH YOU JUST READ.
  2. Someone asked us for a smoothie. I politely told him we don't carry smoothies, just the drinks we have listed on the board.
    Then he read it and asked for a peach juice. I told him we don't have peach juice, just what's listed on the board. He said "ugh fine, what do you have to eat then?" He read the board and asked for a tuna sandwich. And I told him we don't have it, WE JUST HAVE WHAT'S ON THE BOARD.
  3. A man ordered a cookie, and before I could grab it with my tongs, he reached INTO OUR COOKIE JAR AND GRABBED A COOKIE FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE JAR.
    We had to throw out all the cookies in the jar.
  4. Men always butt in front of women.
    This is my number one pet peeve. A scenario like this one happens at least twice a day. So a woman is looking at our display case or at the board deciding what she wants to eat. She's not taking forever, just a couple of seconds to decide what she wants. And the man behind her in line will walk around her, come up to the counter, and say "large latte" or whatever they're ordering. Listen, buddy, GIVE HER A SEC.
  5. A woman ordered $35 worth of drinks and didn't tip.
    Usually people will order a coffee and leave a 10 cent tip. Or I'll grab them an apple juice and they won't tip (which is fair... I didn't make the apple juice, I just handed it too you). But $35 worth of specialty items, and not even the change I handed to you???
  6. A woman grabbed a muffin off our display (don't touch our stuff please), paid for it, and then immediately handed it back to me saying she wanted a different type of muffin. I told her we couldn't exchange the muffin because she touched it. And she started shouting that she hadn't touched the muffin.
    She was still holding the muffin. It was IN HER HAND WHILE SHE SAID THIS.
  7. A man told me that he has just moved to the area and bought a new apartment. I'm used to small talk with some of my regulars, so I congratulated him on his new place. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place to "check it out."
    Just typical perv stuff. Ah, to be a woman in customer service.