EXAMPLES OF THINGS I'VE TEXTED IN THE PAST WEEK THAT MAKE ME RETHINK MY LIFE CHOICES THUS FAR

  1. This is accurate. Sad but accurate.
  2. Read the sentence above this (I was joking, okay??????)
  3. They are the sweetest torture to make because I'm impatient and burn them every time.
  4. I have no justification for why I deserve this
  5. My inner fourth grader is not ashamed of this
  6. You're in too deep if you're getting attached to local zoning codes
  7. *makes fun of millennials, is one*
  8. Also finished an entire bottle of wine and season 2 of Brooklyn 99 while in that bath
  9. Backstory: we have/had a professor who is a huge dick. He injured his foot while on his motorcycle (as douchebags do), and he is completely fine, barring his crutches and the fact that my major's building is not ADA accessible