MY FAMILY MEMBERS, RANKED
We're juuuuust passive aggressive enough that if any of them join this app I won't need to delete this list.
- 1.My momIs a fucking gem. She is literally super mom in every way and it never gets old. She also understands my wine problem and buys me Taco Bell when I come home drunk. When she and I spent 3 hours on the phone, it's (usually) because I want to. My siblings and I call her goose and she responds when we honk/squawk in the grocery store to find her.
- 2.MarykateWe never overlapped in school, which helped. She's basically me but funnier, prettier, and works way harder than I do. She's mastered both the dead pan and "am I being funny or being a giant bitch" in ways stand up comics can only dream about. I will forever be weirdly jealous of her while simultaneously never, ever, ever wanting to be her (I purposely picked a gross picture of her because she deserves it).
- 3.My dadForever pisses me off, but I'm also the most like him out of any of the female siblings. He and I like a lot of the same things (even if it took me 14 years to realize that). It took him a very long time to move up this list.
- 4.TommyMy brother lives like a king because he is a. The youngest, b. The only boy. He abuses this power in family settings, because he repeats things he overheard and we all act like it's cute (it's not). The 11 year age difference made me more like his mom than a sister, but I'm pretty chill about that (plus, like any good parent, I can use bribery). He and I also look the most alike, and we're not sure who that's more unfortunate for.
- 5.Erin (L)/Kathleen (C) (my mom also making a guest appearance on the R)I'm making them share last because I feel like a would be a huge bitch by actually ranking a single person as last. We're fine (I do actually like them) but Kathleen and I had to share a room and it didn't end well and she liked to tell people it's because I sleep naked but in reality she is just uncomfortable with anyone who is comfortable enough to do that. Erin and I are also too far apart to be bffs but not so far that I can get away with parenting her like I do to tommy.
- 6.Honorable mention: RemySo I can't actually rank a dead dog above a living family member, but if I could .... He would be 4. He was also the greatest dog to ever live, bye.