Pros and cons of living with me

Inspired by a 40 minute phone call with my old roommate
  1. I actually enjoy doing dishes and will happily do yours too
  2. ... But I will never ever remember/want to clean the stove top.
  3. I am a really good cook and, 99% of the time, more than happy to share ...
  4. But if you steal my food out of the fridge without asking first I will literally put garbage on your bed.
  5. When I'm home, I couldn't be happier than to hang out with you ...
  6. But that's when I'm actually home, which really isn't all that often.
  7. I'm really good at making whatever furniture is available work in a room ...
  8. ... But literally none of that furniture is mine, because the only pieces of furniture I own are 7 bookshelves.
    This is not a joke or an exaggeration
  9. I am on a senior-citizen-like sleeping schedule (for a 23 year old least - in bed by 1030, awake by 730 always) ....
  10. But I'm (most likely) capable of sleeping through a nuclear holocaust, so I won't wake up because of a party.
    Kira successfully proved this when she had 3 parties after I had fallen asleep and I only found out when I woke up and my house was a mess
  11. I will clean just about anything consistently ...
  12. But I also never owned a vacuum at any point during college and most certainly always lived on carpeted surfaces.
  13. I am almost always the drunk mom and down to take care of everyone ....
  14. Except for when I am most definitely not the mom and you literally have to drive around Savannah at 4am to find me because I keep picking up your call and just saying "haha" and hanging up.
  15. I am always down for a glass of wine and a plate of cheese
  16. ... And there are no downsides to that.