THE STORY OF MY BIRTH

Obviously, this is secondhand knowledge, because you know, I was literally seconds old
  1. My mom had preeclampsia so she knew she was going to be induced
  2. But then I decided that I didn't like the date she had chosen for my birth (seriously, dec 24 mom are you kidding?), so she went into labor two weeks early
  3. This was apparently a big deal. I, still technically a fetus, did not care.
  4. There also happened to be a huge nor'easter that day, because that's how I roll https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_1992_nor'easter
  5. This made things quite difficult for my parents
    Because they had to get to the hospital in a blizzard, my mom was preetttttty sure she was going to die, and I also happened to be my parents first kid so they had zero fucking idea what they were doing.
  6. They got to the hospital thanks to my dad's rusty blue Toyota Tacoma
    While in that truck two weeks earlier, he was pulled over by 30+ state troopers (guns drawn) and two news helicopters because he matched the physical description/car description of an on-the-loose serial killer. He (to my knowledge) has never been a serial killer.
  7. After all that rushing to the hospital, I decided that, actually, I wasn't really ready to part with my warm, liquid filled home yet and put my mother through 21 hours of labor
  8. Finally, at 7:26 pm, the doctor told my mom that this round of pushing would probably be the last because I seemed to be done taking my sweet ass time
  9. My dad seemed unsettled by this. And then, in the most on-brand statement ever, asked: "Can we wait a couple minutes on that? I want to see what the answer is to final Jeopardy"
  10. And then I was born at 7:47 pm 👶🏻
    (Here I am a couple months later, because (THANK GOD) there are no photos of my actual birth)