THINGS I LEARNED LAST NIGHT

  1. That the state of Louisiana can and does arrest, charge, and imprison DOGS
    I literally looked at them and said "wait what?" Yes, the DOGS went to jail. The DOGS.
  2. That the sweetest dog ever who just wants to sit in your lap and be held is also a cold blood llama killer.
    The reason why the dogs went to jail ...
  3. That a riding lawnmower is a perfectly acceptable mode of transportation between your barn and your house
    "You can't get a DUI on a lawnmower"
  4. That the NW Louisiana version of escalating conflict is fighting with another person over the "better" farm chore your kid does
    "Well I make my twins go put sticks in the back of the truck that their older brother drives" note: their old brother is 8.
  5. That taking out the chain saw and cutting down a new tree is an acceptable way to get more firewood
    No one would listen to me when I told them that new trees would just make the fire more smokey but at this point they knew I was from NJ and anything I had to contribute was deemed useless
  6. That if you're the only person at a party, in a cross fit gym, who does not do cross fit, you will eventually agree to take a cross fit classy even though it is literally the last thing you'd ever want to do.
    I will see all of these people again on Monday at 530 because they aggressively recruited me and I don't know how to say no
  7. That the cruelest punishment in the world is the fact that I left my car at Brookshires (where I met my friend last night) because I was too drunk to drive it home and now I have to walk to get it.
    I am hung over and need water but you can't drink the tap here (yay for being so small you don't have to abide by EPA standards...) and all of my extra house water is in my car so I need to do this sooner rather than later.