Requested by Kelly

THINGS I WILL NOT LET MY FUTURE CHILDREN DO

  1. Hide their 2nd grade homework behind their dresser and then say that they never got it
    It was a phase .... That lasted through high school.
  2. Consume alcohol for the first time without a family power point presentation of pictures of me passed out on the floor of bathrooms during high school
    If this doesn't scare them, then I will not have done my job correctly.
  3. Quit Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts the moment it becomes uncool
    They will be in it for the long run because of emotional development and also 💰💰💰
  4. Pageants
    My mom did them when she was younger and swore that she would do everything in her power to make sure no one else went through it. Also, I'm TOO bitchy to be a pageant mom...
  5. Not have a say in my inevitable multiple house remodels
    10 year old me is still super pissed about the fact that my input was ignored during our renovation. Marble countertops were much less trendy in 2003 MOM
  6. Go into the real world without having a knowledge of what I consider to be basic fundamentals
    These include, but are not limited to, how to correctly cite something, where your tax money goes, why the direction of the ceiling fan matters, why local elections are the most important, understanding how ecosystems work and affect each other, why math (and understanding it) is important, etc
  7. Listen to my dad (their grandpa) about politics
    *sighs* I love my father but he referred to Hillary Clinton as "a lying manipulative bitch who thinks she deserves to be president only because she's a woman"