THINGS PEOPLE IN MY OFFICE SAY VS WHAT THEY ACTUALLY MEAN

Three cheers for the federal government!!!!!!!
  1. "We're going to a quick lunch"
    "We will be gone for the next two hours"
  2. "The printer is broken"
    "I have not read the error message (and the quick fix that follows it) on the screen, so I have decided that the printer is broken"
  3. "Can someone answer the phone?"
    "I'm too busy watching Netflix at my computer and don't want to pause it. Someone else do my job for me."
  4. "I can't do _______ because I haven't gotten a reply from ________ yet."
    "I don't feel like doing any work today."
  5. "What are you doing for lunch today?"
    "I don't really like you, but I don't like myself enough to go eat lunch alone."
  6. "Debbie and Mary are getting diet cokes."
    "Debbie and Mary are hiding from everyone at the Texaco across the street and using the guise of "getting diet cokes" to avoid doing work."
  7. "Has anyone heard from Mary Ellen?"
    "Despite the fact that ME has not shown up to work since OCTOBER, we somehow still cannot fire her."
  8. "They're talking to Kevin"
    "They are trapped and being held against their will in a conversation with Kevin."