WAYS IN WHICH I AM SECRETLY A 45 YEAR OLD SOCCER MOM

  1. My mom got me a food processor for my birthday
    Happy 22nd!!
  2. I have a solidified pre-bed routine
    And I honestly sleep like shit when I deviate from it
  3. I can crochet like a fucking pro
    Cc: needle point, cross stitch, basic hemming/clothing repairs
  4. Perfect night: dinner (that I probably cooked), jeopardy, wine and/or gin-based cocktails, scrabble, and pistachio nuts
    Maybe some post-game nachos
  5. I honestly don't mind when I have to drive the government minivan for work-related purposes
    The g-van is a smooth fucking ride
  6. I like to rescue plants from Walmart
    I have also referred to myself as "mommy" while talking to my favorite basil plant.
  7. I literally dream about my soon to be walk in pantry (evidence: this conversation I had with my mother this morning)
  8. My standard tone of voice is "mom that is concerned about your actions"
    I'm not sorry about this
  9. I thought (and still think) it is appropriate to go to house parties dressed like this
    I stand by this look, even if everyone is was wearing heels and dresses/looked trendy
  10. I fucking love my crock pot
    I will meal plan off of it, which leads to the interesting challenge of how to eat brisket for an entire week.
  11. I honestly still do not understand the appeal of the words "bae" and "fleek"
    Why does fleek exist? Can I tell someone they're being off fleek? Better question: can I ask someone that question and not erupt into flames?