WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF I'M ON A DIET:

  1. Coworker/acquaintance:
    Yep! It's sort of annoying to log everything I eat but I've made it into a game and I'm super competitive so I think I'll crush it.
  2. Friend/family member:
    Would never ask me this because I spend too much time bitching about waking up early to run/how I can't drink entire bottles of wine in one sitting anymore.
  3. My super judgmental nanny who continually asks if "I've thought about dieting":
    Nope, I will never go on a diet. *shoves 1.3 lbs of shrimp into my mouth and chases it with a gravy boat full of cocktail sauce*